-and i'm on the road...

mechanics...gotta love em. considering the majority are men, me being a worse than typical female, always have a field day adventure when dealing with them. -which, as of late, has been all too frequent.
it has gotten to the point where i have had to revise my own personal rider and appraise them of it, BEFORE another pleasantry is exchanged...
example:
i just bought an eclipse, solely for 2 reasons...it was a bunch of prettiness in a sleek and sporty package, and it had cruise control. that's it. the day i drove it off the lot, i proceeded to take it on a 3,000 mile road-trip. not kidding. i have a lead foot, and find myself playing a deranged game of chicken while attempting to pass semi trucks. if there are only 2 lanes, do not think i won't make use of the shoulder. this is also my view of the suicide lane. (hence, the 'suicide' part in my opinion...) i didn't even know what the definition of a speedometer was until highway patrol explained it to me. (those guys are so nice...)
please, do not bother asking me what odd noises are coming from any part of my vehicle. i have an awesome pioneer system with a bazooka in the back. it's a wonder i can hear myself THINK over the blaring of Korn, or Five Finger Death Punch.
as for noticing if it drives 'funny' - yeeaaahh....
my response will be something akin to "well i noticed it didn't clear that last ditch i took very well..."
i am nearsighted and night-blind, and i don't wear the glasses i should. to name the things i actually HAVE ran over would take days to recall.
on the topic of transmission- ok look, all i know is it's an automatic with something some guy called a 'slapstick'. now, my definition of a slapstick and his- i guarantee you- do not correlate. (seeing as MY version you would never find in a car)
don't even think of inquiring about the vehicle's fluids. i put gas in the damn thing to ensure a forward momentum- that's the extent of it.
and for the fucking love- DO NOT tell me i really should learn more about the operation of my car. if i did that, i wouldn't need a fucking mechanic, and my money would simply be redirected toward another retarded venue.
so...shut up, fix the car, take my money, and i'll see you in about a year when my negligence has once again warranted a visit with you.
in my opinion, it's a woman's job to fuck mechanical shit up- it's a man's to fix it. i just happen to do MY job very very well.

now, care to ask why i'm still single?.....

democracy;
- a government in which the supreme power
is vested IN THE PEOPLE and exercised by
them directly or indirectly through a system of
representation usually involving periodically
held free elections


how much trouble would you surmise me to
be in, if i went to vote and on my personal,
minute, fucking little boxes of no relevancy-
made my own box entitled "NEXT TWO
OPTIONS PLEASE" ? -checked , of course...
would i stand in the federal violation penalty
box (fearing the All Mighty Hand of God
syndrome our appointed government has
seemed to be infected with), or would i have
a chance in claiming our constitutional right in
freedom of fucking speech?
i know i am not , by any means, the brightest
bulb in the box when it comes to the
understanding of politics- hell, i'm not even
the dullest- but since when did we, the
American People, forget that we ARE the
fucking government? (example? fine. Nixon-
impeached. happy?) America has far beyond
succumbed to our own demise in sheer flippin
laziness. we allow our thoughts , minds,
actions, and even our hearts be governed and
ruled by any charismatic being that presents
themselves before us, and has the perception
to see the mere sheep we are -W T F ???
if i don't like the 2 candidates that have been
presented, dammit- bring out the next two
fucking contestants! if we find you to be the
upcoming winner of the world's biggest ass
award- have no doubt, we will tar and feather
your dumb ass for being the damn idiot
you've made yourself out to be, and move mr.
vice pres up a slot.

             Gard- it's not finished......just having issues with multi-tasking at the moment

courtesy

have people been standing out in the direct sunlight for a few minutes too long or something to that nature? you really can't do that here in the desert, because the sun starts to oven-bake the brain,which leads to retardation. That is the only thing i can possibly surmise for such blatant disregard to common courtesies. yup- full blown tangent time. this means examples of stupidity are going to be listed ,and if caught in the act of these listed below, i am now free and clear to either shoot you through my front door or run your ass over with my already painted red truck-consecutively
(and it takes an awfully damn scared person to outrun a pissed off one -so you better be one hell of a sprinter in the time it takes me to turn a motor over)
anyone who arbitrarily shows up knocking on my door without first calling me to see if i 'm not busy, sleeping, or hell-if i'm even feeling sociable that day, should expect to be verbally lambasted in the least. that's if i even open the door. yes,that would be the beauty of paying rent- i don't HAVE to open it.
i could give a shit if you know i'm home, because i feel no obligation to anyone who is so rude as to not ask if it is a convenient time for visitors. yup,
piss off.
this does not mean call once you're already parked in the driveway either.
after i remind you how much you pay for gas these days, i assure you ,i will still be laughing my ass off long after i hang up on you.
idiot.
and this one goes out to a certain 'special' someone- i have to actually be live on the other end,in a coherent state, and say yes to you! leaving any message on my damn voice mail is an act of stupidity in itself, and will not suffice-
text messaging me only works-once again- if i respond with a sure , yes, ok.....and so on.
now if i actually do open the door- may i suggest that that you had better be on fire, and running to the hospital but simply can't make it-could i please give you a ride the rest of the way. i may let that one slide.
even if you are noticing that my residence is about to be engulfed in flames- let it fucking burn. if my ass is still in there ,then it's because i was sleeping and i'm gone from smoke inhalation anyway-
AND FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT'S HOLY, you had better be GOD
to be knocking on my door before 10am. for any damn reason. idiots- i own a gun...